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How Trustworthy Is Your Beard?

By Chuck Sudo in Arts & Entertainment on Feb 6, 2013 7:10PM

Is this yellow beard really more trustworthy than The Great Emancipator's? (Yellow beard photo credit: Viewminder; Lincoln photo via

A few of us Chicagoistos are fighting cabin fever by tapping into our inner lumberjacks and growing beards, with varying degrees of success and style. What we approve of more: We're growing full beards, Aaroncynic excepted.

Which reminds us of this oldie but goodie: “The Trustworthiness of Beards” chart. This has been around for a few years and we like to look at it when we wonder how our facial hair is coming along, although we find it hard to believe the mustache and goatee combo is more trustworthy than the Abe Lincoln chin strap. After all, Lincoln held the Union together, freed the slaves and was a vampire slayer in an alternate reality.

And is good grooming really the only thing separating “The Philosopher” from “The Homeless Beard?” Some of our favorite philosophers are homeless. We do agree with the chart about chin halos, soul patches and neck beards being dangerous affronts to society.

So grow the beards if you can, men of Chicago. Spring is only a few weeks (months?) away. You can trust us: We have full beards.