The Chicagoist will be launching later but in the meantime please enjoy our archives.

Missed Connection: A Love Divided By Snowbrawl

By Samantha Abernethy in Arts & Entertainment on Mar 6, 2013 11:00PM


We're happy to report the discovery of a Craigslist "missed connection" related to Tuesday's Snowbrawl. This gentleman became separated from a girl named Sam as the brawl battle-lines were drawn. In case the post comes down from Craigslist, here's the whole text:

Your friends were lame, you came alone.

My friends called me a lunatic with stress issues, I came alone.

You said you had stress issues and were going to hit someone in the face.

One look at your fuzzy white hat and brown hair and the snow around us began to melt.

I heard the flutter of his wings.
Cupid!! Hark!! Shoot thine arrow into us both!!!

I swore within 8 seconds of meeting you to protect you on the field of battle.

I offered to cut my hand and seal my undying affection and protection into a heart shaped snowball covered in my blood and a lock of your hair.

You said I was disturbed.

I laughed boisterously. You know me so well.

I touched your fuzzy mittened hand and you took mine.

I sprouted an inappropriate erection.

You pulled your hand away with great haste.

As the battle lines were drawn I was sure you would follow me.

But no...

I went right.....

You went left.....

Whiteness....such dark blinding whiteness....


I aimed at couples for the rest of the evening. Screaming "Destroy Their Love!!" to the Gods. Hurling balls of anger, regret, and sexual frustration.

I pulled everything to the right.

Whiteness..nothing matters...such whiteness...

I ran blindly into the middle hoping to die. I was decimated by snow, but Death is a bitter whore and rejected my pleas.

I stayed to the end. Triumphant in battle, lost in love.

I went right...

You went left...

Your name was Sam....