The Chicagoist will be launching later but in the meantime please enjoy our archives.

Chicago Man To Police: "I'm gonna be real with you. I have a gun in my ass."

By Jon Graef in News on Aug 11, 2013 6:10PM

Give points for honesty, if nothing else.

According toDNAInfo Chicago, 20-year-old Little Village resident Marco Alvarado is being held on $20,000 bail after telling police, under completely voluntary circumstances evidently, that he had a loaded .22-caliber gun surfing his own Hershey Highway.

DNAInfo Chicago sets the scene:

"I'm gonna be real with you, I have a gun in my a--," Marco Alvarado, 20, told police after he was pulled over early Thursday, according to court records.

Alvarado, who has "Kreepy" tattooed on his shoulder, wasn't lying, police said.

They found a loaded .22-caliber gun exactly where he claimed. Alvarado admitted he had just fired it three times into the air, according to a police report.

Cops at the time were looking for whoever fired the gunshots in the air in the 4300 block of North Pulaski road just after midnight.

Here's a detail that can't be unread: "When officers asked Alvarado to put his hands up, he instead put them behind his back and 'continued to sway left and right in a rapid fashion,' according to a police report."

Alvarado is an admitted member of the Latin Kings.

Just to be clear: not only did this man allegedly fire a gun, he then thought the best course of action after doing so was to put that uncomfortable hunk of metal, probably still hot from being fired, up his ass.

Perhaps Alvarado knew if the cops saw the gun, they'd confiscate it--take it away. The way Alvarado sees it, he'd be damned if he saw any greasy cop put his hands on his son's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something---his ass.

At least he didn't shoot Marvin in the face.

[Just kidding, that's all from Pulp Fiction]