Thursday Afternoon Diversion: Mr. Cheese Makes It Better

By Kevin Robinson in Arts & Entertainment on Jan 16, 2014 9:00PM

Given that we don't speak Japanese, we don't know for sure what Mr. Cheese and Mr. Pepper are saying in this ad. But we can speculate:

Mr. Cheese, a once well-regarded purveyor of gourmet dairy products, has fallen on hard times. A nagging opium habit and bad gambling debts to the Yakuza have tarnished his once bright star, reducing him to performing in children's productions and Cup of Soup ads.

In fact, Mr. Cheese has gotten to the point of cultural saturation—his appearances aren't nearly as valuable as they once were, and he's no longer able to command as high a fee as he used to. That, coupled with his deteriorating looks due to years of opium abuse, late nights and hard drinking in sake bars in seedy parts of Tokyo have left him desperate.

Late one night, after spending too much time and money in another anonymous sake bar, Mr. Cheese staggers out into the rainy streets, the harsh but colorful glow of neon reflecting off the wet alleys and streets onto his haggard face, and lights a Mevius.

He looks up at the grey, rainy sky, and realizes he's hit rock bottom. It's then and there that he understands what must happen, what he must do pay off the numerous gambling debts he owes to the Yakuza, who are sure to start chopping his fingers off soon. A steely resolve comes over Mr. Cheese, a determination not seen in years glows in his eyes, as he decides to pull one last job, one final score, to resolve his debt with the Yakuza and restore the honor of the Cheese family name.