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Anyone But Rahm? Write In These Candidates

By Stephanie Vaughn in News on Feb 11, 2015 10:05PM

*cue Andy Williams - “It’s The Most Wonderful Time of The Year”*

Hey Chicago, not sure if you've heard: it's time to elect a new mayor and this is your 489,034th reminder that elections are taking place on Feb. 24. Has the “anyone but Rahm” process of elimination has left you feeling lost, irritated, enraged, etc.? Don’t forgo your civic duty of voting for the next mayor of Chicago—you can totally write-in your choice pick. That’s where we come in with a proper assist. Here are some write-in candidates to consider for the next mayor of Chicago:


Mike Ditka: He thought he could beat Barack Obama in the 2004 senate race. Blind confidence is a key factor that can carry you far in life. Many Bears fans still hold him in high esteem, 30 years after the 1985 Superbowl win. If Mike Ditka were to actually run, the cult of personality sustained from that alone would make him a legit contender

Photo by C. Kinnier Lastimosa via Hot Doug's Facebook page

Doug Sohn of “Hot Doug’s”: He took Hot Doug’s away from us, so he’s got plenty of free time on his hands. He may be enjoying the simple things in life, like having lunch with friends instead of serving it but there's no denying he would have the only the finest encased meats at his victory party.

Photo from Svengoolie's Facebook page

Svengoolie: Every Friday would be Cape & Top Hat Day at City Hall (black racoon eye make-up optional, of course). Kerwyn could totes be his Chief of Staff.

Photo credit:Monika Thorpe

Tom Skilling: Having a meteorologist for mayor just might be an the most effective weapon we have against Chicago’s relentlessly hateful weather.

Photo credit: Ann Fisher

Ronnie "Woo Woo" Wickers: Because, "WOO!"

Photo credit: Debbie Mercer

“Dibs”: Who are we kidding? “Dibs” run these streets after any substantial snowfall and there’s nothing we can do about it.

Benny the Bull: It’s just fun to picture all of the press conferences being him shooting t-shirts from a cannon and doing trampoline jump slam dunks instead of talking.

Chicago's street preacher. Photo by Maasai Amewa.

Samuel Chambers, aka "The State Street Preacher Man": Anyone with enough conviction to stand outside every single day and brazenly berate strangers' life choices deliver salvation is a born leader.

Who would you write in for mayor on the ballot? Let us know in the comments.

Happy voting!