Bad Poetry Night Features The Worst Celebrity Poems For A Good Cause

By Margaret Paulson in Arts & Entertainment on Mar 26, 2015 8:00PM

If you like supporting good causes while also making fun of celebrities who likely deserve it, consider grabbing a ticket to the Chicago Writers Conference’s Annual Party with a Purpose; the theme this year is Bad Poetry Night. Proceeds from the event support scholarships for Chicago literacy tutors through 826CHI and Open Books.

Bad Poetry Night will be held at Mrs. Murphy & Sons Irish Bistro on Tuesday, March 31 from 6:30 to 8:30 pm. Tickets are $50 each (or two for $90) and include appetizers, a drink ticket, access to a silent auction and a front-row seat to the reading of some exquisitely bad celebrity poetry by Chicagoans Monica Eng (of WBEZ’s Chewing the Fat), Tasha Robinson (of The Dissolve), author James Kennedy and cartoonist and author Pat Byrnes.

Upon hearing about Bad Poetry Night, we felt inspired to learn more about celebrity “poets.” Here are some of the gems we found that we hope will be featured at the event.

James Franco: Though he has an MFA from Columbia and is currently pursuing a PhD in English from Yale, collecting all the degrees that money can provide, it's still a bit hard to take James Franco's poetry seriously (Author note: I attended his poetry reading in Chicago in fall 2013— he read a poem about Lindsay Lohan; it was all downhill from there).

Suzanne Somers: The Three's Company actress wrote a horrifyingly bad book of poems called Touch Me in 1980. Here's Kristen Wiig doing a live reading for your listening pleasure:

Charlie Sheen: He self-published a book of poems called A Peace of My Mind in 1990. The cover was maybe worse than the poetry.

Jennifer Aniston: The famous actress reportedly wrote a little ditty in 2009 during her brief relationship with John Mayer, and word on the street is he turned it into a song. It's called "Lucky in Love" and goes like this:

Lucky in love, lucky in love / Didn't forget me when I asked you to leave me / Didn't forget me / Now you're alongside me / You've brought luck to love / I've been hit by a truck in love.

Yeah, that hurts. It hurts like getting hit by a truck...in love.

Want to see some seriously rad celebrity poetry to make up for it? Then check out the video below for Alicia Keys' performance of "P.O.W." during a Def Poetry Jam in 2006.