The Chicagoist will be launching later but in the meantime please enjoy our archives.

United Center Welcomes New Beer Robot Overlords

By Jim Bochnowski in Food on Apr 16, 2015 9:50PM

With the excitement of the Blackhawks' double overtime victory over the Predators and the Bulls' upcoming series against Milwaukee, there will be no shortage of energy at the United Center this spring. Now the United Center has devised a way to ensure that there will be no shortage of beer either. Get ready to welcome the new DraftServ beer robot overlords into your life.

Two of these self-service machines will be installed in the Goose Island Brew Pub in Section 108 at the arena. Beer drinkers can buy a charge card from a cashier, then fill up their beer to their heart's content while being charged to their card based on the amount of beer poured into the glass. The machine has a maximum possible volume of 20 ounces of beer at a time. According to NBC Chicago, the robots will dispense Bud Light and Budweiser at a cost of 42.5 cents per ounce and Stella Artois and Goose Island at 47.5 cents per ounce.

The buzzkills or saints (take your pick depending on the type of fan you are) at DraftServ do make it very clear that obviously inebriated customers will have their cards turned off so that they can't buy additional beer. But won't this just lead to additional problems? Because have you ever seen a hockey fan? Have you ever told a hockey fan he or she can't drink any more? Have you seen the wild look in their eyes, when you realize they're capable of anything?

We just feel bad for those poor machines. Why were they programmed to feel pain?