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The Ten Best Breakup Bars To Have 'The Talk'

By Carrie McGath in Food on Sep 9, 2015 5:10PM

Breaking up is hard to do, but it may be a lot easier at a bar. There are the obvious reasons, among them the chance to toast the death of a relationship that needed to end and the possibility of a quick escape back into the night.

As it turns out, the factors that make for a "good" breakup bar also makes for a good bar in general: Somewhat quiet, not too crowded, reasonably priced, with little nooks for sitting and talking. These locations not only soften the blow of a breakup, but offer comfort in the form of good booze, specials, ambiance and food. (Editor's note: They also happen to be concentrated in Logan Square. Coincidence? You tell us.) So have a heart and share that one last drink together at one of these ten great breakups bars around Chicago.

Two Way Lounge via Flickr

Two Way LoungeIf you're drinking to forget all of it
The good old Two Way Lounge is a perfect dive bar to let that OkCupid date down easily. With cheap pitchers of beer and drink specials and its no-frills atmosphere, as well as its proximity to oodles of other bars, it has the advantage of having that Screw it! I am bar hopping after I finish this pitcher! bonus.
Two Way Lounge, 2928 W. Fullerton Ave.

Map RoomIf you want good beer and a shot of Malort to go with your awkward goodbye
With a chill space and a stellar selection of great beer, the evening can possibly be salvaged if you're left behind as the dumper or the dumpee.
Map Room, 1949 Hoyne Ave.

RadlerWhether you're celebrating the end or drowning your sorrows
The heartbroken party will have the advantage of liters of beer, authentic German sausages and homemade pretzels with mustards and jams. If the heartbreaker finds themselves alone after the heartbroken runs away, they will also have the advantage of liters of beer, authentically German sausages and homemade pretzels with an array housemade mustards and jams. What more could you want?
The Radler, 2375 N. Milwaukee Ave.

SkylarkIf you will need tater tots and another beer after this
This South Side hipster hub is the perfect place to take your soon-to-be-ex since it has a fantastic rotating beer selection as well as tater tots available with dipping sauces. These comforts along with its classic dive bar atmosphere will help fill that newfound emptiness you will feel no matter your role in your relationship's very recent demise.
Skylark, 2149 S. Halsted St.

Simon'sFor musical healing from their perfectly wonderful jukebox
Feed some money into their epic, old-school jukebox and get your breakup playlist spinning before you both sit and have the dreaded breakup talk at one of their private tables positioned alongside the bar's signature mural. If you're lucky enough to be having a winter breakup and they are serving their homemade Glögg, the comforting spiced and warm boozy Swedish drink may just warm your cold heart (if you're the heartbreaker) or comfort the crushed one (if you're the heartbroken).
Simon's, 5210 N. Clark St.

Celtic CrossingsWhen you absolutely deserve some perfectly-poured pints of Guinness after this
This woody River North pub has perfect pours of Guinness to add some comfort to an otherwise highly uncomfortable moment despite your overly-practiced breakup speech.
Celtic Crossings, 751 N. Clark St.

Monk's PubIf you wanna be close to public transit for a quick escape after some great beer
Whether the breakup-er or the breakup-ee, this Loop staple can boast of their great beer selection to take the edge off the exceedingly awkward dialogue that will undoubtedly include, "It's not you, it's me," in there somewhere. This murky but cozy pub has the advantage of being close to all the train lines making the location one with a quick escape route to run from the heartbreak and the thorny conversation that just transpired.
Monk's Pub, 205 W. Lake St.

(from The Revel Room's Facebook)

Revel RoomIf you'll need leather couches and a stiff drink
Their Revel Manhattan will get you started on seeing the newly-dissolved relationship as a very distant memory while their beautifully vintage half-circle leather couches mimic the fetal position you refuse to succumb to so you order another Revel Manhattan.
Revel Room, 1566 N. Milwaukee Ave.

Delilah'sIf punk rock and great whiskey are necessities
Punk rock, a $1 beer special on Monday and lots of whiskey make this Lakeview bar the perfect spot for a cheap beer, great whiskey and good old punk rock to either wash the pain away or give an excuse to celebrate your newfound freedom to the tune of punk staples into the wee hours. Even the one getting dumped will appreciate your choice of breakup habitat if it's the edgy and raw Delilah's.
Delilah's, 2771 N. Lincoln Ave.

The OwlIf you need to find a rebound right away
This dimly-lit bar will hide the tears while the eclectic playlist will fill those inevitable lulls of silence as you both try to get over what just happened. A bar that is cheekily known as the hookup bar to its Logan Square residents, it gives both of you the option of staying behind after the other escapes to find a rebound hookup. And who knows? Maybe that hookup will end up being The One.
The Owl, 2521 N. Mailwaukee Ave.