• Pvt. Francheska Velez, one of the two area soldiers killed in the Ft. Hood shooting rampage, was laid to rest today.
• The state's unemployment rate hit a new 26-year high in October at 11 percent.
• The RTA today gave the official thumbs up to the deal struck with Gov. Quinn that would avoid another CTA fare hike.

If you were at last night's Estrojam (warning: makes noise) opening-night Panty Party at Funky Buddha, it's likely you're familiar with the festival. You're also probably a) hungover from all the $1 beers and mango vodka shots, and b) searching for your face on Last Night's Party, hoping for a new MySpace photo. The five-year-old, woman-centric music and culture festival continues all over the city this week with a bevy of concerts, films, workshops and... more ›

Well, it is shaping up to be quite the warm weekend. Any of our lovely readers want to invite us to some type of pool party? We'll bring waterwings shaped like Mayor Daley's face. Someone should really make those. In the event we receive no invitations, we've lined up some other activities certain to help you, and us, take advantage of another weekend. As we mentioned yesterday, Calsfest 2007 is taking place at Cal's Liquors,... more ›

While SFist cringed at the fatal dose of crime littering the Bay Area, it found solace in Hillary Clinton's San Francisco campaign headquarters opening, which featured loads of exposed mammary glands. In other news, SF Taxi Commission ruled that Satan's cab must keep its (in)famous medallion number, 666; and in an un-fashion-forward frenzy, San Francisco Fashion Week (chortle) bars bloggers from covering and getting smashed at their shows and parties, respectively. Also, they found a... more ›

Jagshemash! Borat is a hit. It's getting rave reviews, grossing millions, and definitely the most quotable thing we've seen in ages. But Borat seems to have missed most of the -ist cities, and we were all wondering how the film would have been different if he'd made his way around the world on the -ist tour. In Shanghai, Borat would be observing Inane Learnings of Penis Photos for Make Benefit Glorious Flat World of... more ›

Despondent over not being able to afford your mortgage? Flummoxed at how your rent always seems to be going up? Outraged at how condos are changing the make-up of our neighborhoods? Then you're probably not going to want to hear about the latest trend in the housing market: ginormous mansions formulated for the stinkin' rich. Today's Tribune Magazine gives a rundown of some spectacular houses under construction in Lincoln Park. Sara Crown Star's new house... more ›

Did you know that there are 57 different sizes of condoms? True fact. That means that there are at least 57 different sizes of penises, ranging from "pudding snack cup" to "Rasputin wasn't a man". And still a large percentage of the male population think that they need that little extra push off the cliff. If you are the type of guy who is a little insecure about the size of his "baby's arm", nothing... more ›

Well, you still can’t take your chapstick on a plane, but the government is showing a little mercy to the guy who told authorities he had a bomb so his mom wouldn’t find out he was carrying a penis pump. Mardin Amin, his mother and his two children were on their way to Iraq when the incident occured. more ›

Admit it, you’re a little naughty, aren’t you? It’s OK. We’re fine with that. In fact, Chicagoist supports your right to be as nasty as you want to be. As long as you’re smart about it, and it doesn’t result in any deaths or break any laws. Well, at least not any of the important laws. more ›

"An abandoned hotdog in the middle of the U.S. Cellular Field parking lot" via abmarfia in Contribute. more ›

There was no couch-jumping, but Steven Spielberg’s visit to Chicago this weekend was still full of exclamation points. Spielberg was in town to receive the Golden Hugo Lifetime Achievement Award at the Chicago International Film Festival 2006 Summer Gala. Held at the Sheraton Chicago on Saturday, Spielberg was honored by video tributes from notables including Catherine Zeta-Jones, Jude Law, George Lucas and Roger Ebert. Even Tom Cruise made an appearance on the video. So, when... more ›

Pardon if the typing is a little off today because we’re actually holding our sides with laughter with (or at) Elmhurst, Ill., who has recently been crowned king/queen of looking up the term “sex” most often in Google. Only it wasn’t a contest, and we’re 10 years old, so it’s funny. more ›

Londonist prepares a Happy Birthday bath for Buddah this week and then things get all cliched. A madman goes on a rampage while axe-weidling and London's mayor warns an American diplomat to avoid the kitchen if the heat bothers him so much. LAist has finally come around to purchasing tickets for Clipper Train. Hyper local dating sites are spamming L.A. neighborhoods and the fascinating Dame Darcy talks with LAist about art, the city and earthquakes.... more ›

John Bobbit*, move over. Jakub Fik has got your story whipped. He didn't get his penis cut off by a vengeful lover. He didn't get it severed in an accident. He didn't get it lobbed off in some freak incident. Nope. He cut his member off himself. The Sun-Times reports that on Wednesday, the distraught-over-his-girlfriend-in-Poland Fik had police called on him for smashing up car windows and breaking into a house -- apparently after he... more ›

First there was Superman, then supermodels, and in recent years, superlawyers. Case in point: Winston & Strawn attorney, Dan Webb. more ›

Thank you, Chicago Tribune. Thank you. Thank you for exposing the world to the truth about penis size and g-spots. Oh, wait, was that you, or was that a back issue of Mademoiselle in seventh grade? We can't remember. Either way, we're getting the phrase "it ain't the meat, it's the motion" tattooed on ourself later today. Best song ever. more ›

The list of patented, lawsuit-embroiled materials you can stick on a penis just got two items longer. Illinois's very own Portfolio Technologies�that's a discreet, brown-paper-envelope of a name if we've ever heard one�is the parent company of Pleasure Plus condoms, a specially designed prophylactic with an extra-loose "pouch" at the top. For his pleasure, natch. more ›