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Oprah Watch

By Ali Trachta in Arts & Entertainment on Sep 26, 2008 6:00PM

2008_09_22oprahwatch1.jpgIt was all squeals right off the bat this Monday when Oprah brought out Nate “Dreamy Dreamhouse Maker” Berkus and announced someone in the audience would be taking him home for a free home makeover. Oprah followed this act of benevolence by doing the meanest thing ever: dragging an unsuspecting mother of 5 out of bed and throwing her on national television via Skype. Oprah had good reason, though, as Mom won a free home makeover too. Yippee! The show took a more sentimental turn with the return of Fannie Eugene, a guest Oprah once crowned “Princess for a Day” and showered with gifts back in 2003. Now a post-Katrina victim stuck in a FEMA trailer for the last 18 months, Fannie once again received the much-deserved royal treatment from Dreamboat Berkus. With a new house and new hope, tiara-sporting Princess Fannie’s spirit was renewed, as was ours. This is why we watch Oprah.

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Tuesday’s show had us a little rattled. Suze Orman joined Oprah to school us on how to protect our families from the impending recession. She started by scolding mainstream Americans for living beyond their means. She compared the lies and deceit rampant on Wall Street to the farce we’re living on Main Street while Oprah, of course, tied the financial crisis to the spiritual revolution. (Also Suze wore magnificently huge lapels making her look regal, and therefore all the more intimidating.) Ok ladies, we’re gripped with fear, shamed and yearning for answers. We learned: we must all get our asses in gear and stop living off credit, that it’s vital to be certain your bank is FDIC insured, and that Suze’s idea of “doing everything right” is retiring early, trading in the house for an RV and hitting the road. Sign us up.

Wednesday told the story of mother warriors, brought to us by autism advocate, author and mom Jenny McCarthy. Oprah’s first guest, supermom Monica Jorge, relayed a true tale of survival - the kind that reminds us to quit complaining about everyday bullshit. Monica survived a post-birth flesh eating bacteria that took both arms and legs and lived to revel in life and motherhood, showing us that in the face of tragedy it’s still possible to thrive. Standing ovation well deserved. Later Jenny’s faux-hubby Jim Carrey joined her on stage and it got all ooey gooey, but they were cute actually. They spoke about Jenny’s autistic son teaching them to love without expectation. -Sigh- Pitter pat.

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Thursday’s show: BEST OPRAH SHOW EVER!!! Dancing dogs! Acrobatic dogs! Dogs jumping rope! Dogs nursing white tigers! (Wait, what?? Yeah, really.) Puppy love was in the air. Even Chicago writer Jen Lancaster joined Oprah via Skype to roll around in the doggie cuddle puddle. Craziest of all was Maggie the Jack Russell Terrier/Math Prodigy that could not only count but could do simple arithmetic. What kind of brain steroid dogs are these? Heart-warming turned to heart-wrenching with a puppy mill update. Oprah welcomed Bill Smith, the man responsible for the billboard near Harpo Studios that begged Oprah to do an exposé on the topic. He came on stage and quoted Maya Angelou. Man does this guy know his audience.

The description of today’s show is a little vague. We don’t quite get it. We know it’s live, and Oprah unedited sounds pretty intriguing. She says if the world is talking about it, she will be too. Hmm. That's officially the broadest topic overview we've ever heard. Randomly, there will be an appearance by director Spike Lee. Maybe Michael Jordan will tag along.