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Happy 49th Birthday, President Obama!

By Marcus Gilmer in Miscellaneous on Aug 4, 2010 3:00PM

Wars, oil spill, and Tea Partiers. 2010 has been pretty rough on our Commander-in-Chief which is why we can't begrudge him a little cake and even a quick cat nap in his own bed when he returns to Chicago today for a whirlwind trip (look for him to fly over Chicago around 5 p.m.) involving a trio of fundraisers and a visit to the South Side's Ford plant. He's also doing it alone as the Obama ladies are all off on other business. And while Obama will apparently have Rahmbo by his side, that's still no way to spend your birthday. So we've compiled a list of gifts we're getting him in the hopes that material things will cheer him up when Sarah Palin posts an admonishment on her Facebook page for him not eating apple pie for his birthday instead.

Check out our list after the jump and add your own in the comments. Hey, they could be worse.

  • Marcus: Some old school Reebok pumps for when he plays hoops with the staff.
  • Ben: I would give him my rocket propelled chainsaw. For national defense.
  • Betsy: I would give him an electric cigarette for his health. And a Giordano's Deep Dish pizza, because those are very healthy, too, and to remind the Obamas about Chicago's pizza superiority.
  • Alex: I'd give him a real birth certificate.
  • Tony: I would give him this video to help inspire him to work harder on repealing Don't Ask, Don't Tell.
  • Kim: A subscription to "US Weekly" and "People" so he can keep tabs on the Bristol/Levi drama.
  • Karl: A new metaphor, because that "car/bus into the ditch" thing is played out.
  • Anthony: I'd give him a Lego model of "Main Street" and an action figure Godzilla labeled "Wall Street," so he can act out his other favorite, overplayed phrase.
  • Laura B.: A performance by Chicago ROTC.
  • Tankboy: A pair of jeans that's flattering.
  • Kevin: The guy's busy running the free world and all that, so he travels a lot, and he's the President of the United States, so he's rich and can probably buy anything he wants. With that in mind, I'd get him three books to read on Air Force One next time he's traveling: The Keynes Solution: The Path to Global Economic Prosperity by Paul Davidson so that he could see why spending on infrastructure and durable manufactured goods is so critical to an economy that is still limping along. Cognizant that the president he gets compared to the most (Reagan) dumped seven percent of the GDP into weapons spending (and kick-started an equally fucked economy). I would give him "Rendevouz With Destiny: Ronald Reagan and the Campaign that Changed America" so he could grow a fucking pair and push the rest of his agenda while finishing off the psycho angry white men on the right that have lost their minds since America elected a Black president. And since he's incapable of accepting the fact that there is a small minority of the opposition that will never like him, no matter how bipartisan he tries to be, I would give him a copy of Gary Rivlin's Fire on the Prairie: Chicago's Harold Washington and the Politics of Race to remind him of his political roots, but also to remind him of why he needs to just move on. I'd throw in a carton of Marlboro Reds as well, since just thinking about what he deals with on a daily basis stresses me out, and I can imagine the guy really could use a little quality "me" time.