Our Top 5 Craziest Mayoral Candidate Suggestions
By Marcus Gilmer in News on Sep 7, 2010 8:40PM
With Mayor Daley announcing he will not run for reelection for mayor next year, there's a mad scramble across the city's political landscape. Things are about to get all Lord Of The Flies up in here with candidates coming forward and nominating petitions galore. Speculation is already beginning about what serious candidates will come forward and we'll have our own round-up in the morning. But we got to thinking, who would we actually like to see run just for the sheer insanity of it? Because, let's face it, if there's one phrase that can be used to describe the local political landscape, it's "sheer insanity." So here they are, in no particular order, the top five crazy candidates for mayor we'd like to see come February 2011.
The Chicago River Gator
You already know where we stand on him. He deserves to be free but considering he's currently in captivity, that warms him up for his post-politics life. That is, if he's ever caught. He did such a good job evading capture much like some have marveled at the current mayor for avoiding the same kind of career-ending scandals that have felled opponents and compatriots alike. He obviously cares about the environment so he can continue Chicago's stance of being a "green" city. He's also one of the last lines of defense against the increasing, threatening raccoon menace.
Todd Stroger
The Toddler has already taken the leap into the "Screw It Zone." Plus, he's down with nepotism so he'll fit right in. And also... okay, you know what? No. This isn't funny. We won't include him.
Betty Loren Maltese
Betty's old school and the things she'd do the fifth floor, especially in terms of fashion, would be epic. Plus, she knows how to make money magically appear so why not whip up a few hundred million to plug that budget gap? Also, she needs a better job so we're guessing she'd be willing to make the move.
Ozzie Guillen
Like our outgoing mayor, he's prone to rants and statements that don't make a whole lot of sense and occasionally contradicts himself. He knows how to win (2005) and he looks pretty good in pinstripes. He's also got that South Side sass and works in Bridgeport which keeps that part of Chicago's political heritage alive and well. If there's any cons, he's struggling to find a closer this year and the aforementioned profanity-laced tirades may make it hard for him to really work closely with Springfield.
Ditka
What, like we need a reason?