The Weirdest News Stories Of 2012
By Samantha Abernethy in News on Dec 28, 2012 10:30PM
These are the weirdest stories we wrote about this year. Now that we see them all in the same place, it's hard to believe the world didn't really end.
Those sweet little girls who sell cookies? Totally evil. State Rep. Bob Morris (R-Fort Wayne) wrote a letter to his colleagues saying he wouldn't sign a resolution honoring the centennial anniversary of the Girl Scouts because the group is a "radicalized organization" that "promotes a homosexual lifestyle" and supports abortion. Morris said "evidence proves that the agenda of Planned Parenthood includes sexualizing young girls through the Girl Scouts, which is quickly becoming a tactical arm of Planned Parenthood."
Alice followed to White Rabbit to find LSD. Cops followed a naked bleeding man to find meth. Police believed the man was "possibly under the influence of drugs." Ya think? The man told police he had been forced to fight someone and a person had been murdered in his house. Police didn't find a body, but they did find a meth lab.
This woman has a cold, and she doesn't care who knows it. She wandered between a reporter and a camera while it was rolling, and she was trying desperately to get a piece of phlegm out of her throat while asking them for directions. Bonus: The way the reporter says, "Please tell me you got that!" still has us cracking up.
We still have so many questions about this story. First of all, why did the man choose this woman to attack? The victim says the two hadn't exchanged words at all. Second, did he poop in the sock, or did he poop and then scoop it up and put it in the sock? Third, oh, good God, why poop?
We heard more about Chief Keef as a human than as a performer. This one was just ridiculous. Keef, aka Keith Cozart, posted a photo of himself receiving a blowjob to Instagram. Perhaps stranger yet, he was shocked to have been kicked off of the service. It's worth reminding you that Keef is just 17 years old.
No, not as TSA agents. It seems strange at first, but this makes a lot of sense once explained. In fact, it makes us wonder why this doesn't happen more often. The Chicago Department of Aviation put out a bid to find a herder with about 30 goats to graze on a hard-to-reach stretch of grass. They say it's outside of the security fence, so there won't be goats running all over the runways. This was an Equal Opportunity Employer — they'd accept sheep, too.
Yes, more poop. We've never before been relieved to hear about mouse poop in school lunches, except this time when the news was updated from rat poop. "Some students eating the nachos got to the bottom and saw the droppings," said a CPS spokesperson. "Staff immediately closed the kitchen, and emptied everything out."
Policer arrested a 19-year-old man for allegedly punched an 11-year-old girl in the stomach at Lollapalooza so that he could steal her souvenir Lollapalooza beach ball. The girl's mother said Conrad Slimak approached them and asked for the beach ball, and the mother suggested, "Sure that will be $50." Slimak allegedly responded, "I’m a college student. Does it look like I have money?" and punched the girl. Classy.
We don't know what is stranger about this story: That someone kept a gallon-jug of barbecue sauce for 20 years, or that someone actually paid a buttload of money to buy it. And it sold for $9,995.