One For The Road: Happy Birthday, Roland Burris
By Samantha Abernethy in Arts & Entertainment on Aug 3, 2012 10:00PM
We haven't heard from Roland Burris in a while. Since today is his 74th birthday, let's look at some of The Lord's Senator's finest moments in recent political history. Yes, Burris is the man who accepted Barack Obama's "fucking golden" Senate seat from then-Gov. Rod Blagojevich, was already in legal trouble over the seat when he offered it. Let's look at the timeline because Burris' role in the Blagojevich scandal makes it even more ridiculous. Seriously, this all really happened. It just sounds like a hilarious fictional Aaron Sorkin script now.
- On Dec. 9, 2008, Gov. Rod Blagojevich was arrested, and the criminal complaint included glorious quotes like, "I can parachute me there."
- That December was a media circus of ridiculousness while the State House scrambled to start impeachment proceedings against Blagojevich.
- On Dec. 30, 2008, Blagojevich gave the whole state the finger and named a new senator to replace Barack Obama anyway. Enter: Roland Burris. Then-Lt. Gov. Pat Quinn was outraged. Even Obama spoke out to say, in so many words, this shit is bananas. Burris happily accepted the appointment, saying, "Faced with these challenges and challenged with these crises, it is incomprehensible that the people of the great state of Illinois will enter the 111th Congress short handed. We need leadership in Washington."
- On Dec. 31, 2008, we were laughing and scratching our head trying to figure out what would come next. Secretary of State Jesse White said Burris is a lovely fellow, but he refused to rubberstamp any appointment coming from Blago's office. Burris and White butt heads. A video surfaced of Burris talking about how "reprehensible" Blago's actions had been, just three weeks prior.
- On Jan. 5, 2009, Burris heads to Washington, D.C. Illinois Democrats couldn't quite figure out what to do with the guy, but somehow they couldn't legally block him from joining the senate. Burris couldn't get the Supreme Court to force Jesse White to sign the papers.
- On Jan. 9, 2009, Blagojevich was impeached.
- Rumors came out that Blago had asked Burris for a contribution, and there were issues of perjury, yet somehow nothing took Burris down. Gov. Pat Quinn couldn't do anything to take the guy down other than ask him to please, pretty please, resign.
- Burris never resigned. He said he wasn't going anywhere. He dodged perjury accusations, and he just kept on representing the state of Illinois.
- Fast forward to June 2010, and the state is still trying to figure out what to do with that seat. They weren't totally sure they could do a special election. It took until November 2010 to hold a special election to get Burris out of office—and that was held concurrent with the next real election. But it's cool. He had a good time.
- In December 2010, there were rumblings that Burris would try to make a play for the mayorship, and we all shuddered and laughed nervously, but thankfully he decided not to.